I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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