Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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