Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
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