Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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