just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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