you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
my god I love twenty year old dicks
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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