Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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