I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
