remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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