laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
