my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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