Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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