my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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