you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
