Who did Billy Mays play for?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
