I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
