last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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