Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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