the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
