party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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