i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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