my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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