direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
