just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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