If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
