I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
