sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
