Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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