pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
