Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
