I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
