I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Randomize
