she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
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