And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
