Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
