Pregnant stripper...not hot.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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