Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
