allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
he puts the penis in happiness.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
