Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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