before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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