just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
