Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
