I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
