If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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