Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
can u get pink eye on your cock?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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