i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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