I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
