Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
