Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Randomize
