so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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