I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
