i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
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