Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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