wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
