every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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