Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
