none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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