my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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