Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
BRING THE BAGELS
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
