i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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