You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
