I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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