This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
