Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
