he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
