Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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