dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
