8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize