I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Dignity is for republicans.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
