and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
