Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
