What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
