he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Fuck appropriateness.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
