He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
