Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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