Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
