So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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