I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm way too hungover for life right now
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
