Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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