First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
