So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
