what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
