Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
