You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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