Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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